Skyscrapers and String



Compatibility, Chalk and Cheese or Moth and Candle?

Hello all,

Yesterday’s post was the start of further musings, this time on the nature of compatibility.

We’ve all heard the phrase “opposites attract”. “Chalk and cheese” is another.

What makes people drawn to certain other kinds of people, and why, in certain cases, are the people we adore so hard to live with, and the consequences so brutal and destructive?

The case of Amy Winehouse and her husband Blake Fielder-Civil springs to mind. She loved him, but died tragically young after a long spell of self destructive behaviour. He has been painted as a villain for introducing her to drugs, but in fact she died from drinking too much.

As an adult, with capacity, can you blame another person for something you decide to do?

Why do you remain convinced that someone loves you if you are worse off with them than if you were without them?

The other case in point is Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor. Both were hellraisers who drank and fought and loved each other extravagantly. Elizabeth suffered from her excesses, and both she and Burton parted because they realised they brought out the worst in each other.

I think you cannot blame the other person for your own actions, but you can be led astray and influenced away from what you know deep down you should be doing…

Some relationships are dark and compelling, and can spiral downwards.

Like a moth to a flame, you are enchanted, and it would take a massive amount of willpower to back away.

Often you are the eye of the storm, and noone gives you any tools when you are growing up to know how to deal with these strong feelings.

Sometimes, it can be to a minor extent, where you just decide staying indoors together is best, and you either lose all your friends or just put on weight from being loved up and treating each other and missing those solo gym sessions you used to go to three days a week.

But what do you do if you are in this position? Can you stare the problem in the eye and fix it if you bring the worst out in each other? You can, if you both decide to change, and you support each other through the tough times.

Odds are against you if only one person tries to reform, the willpower is just too hard to muster. Recovery programmes advise you to turn your back on any former associates who might lead you astray, but there’s no easy answer on this one.

I say to my daughter, if you make a sense check at the beginning of any relationship, then take stock again in 2 months, if you are doing badly in terms of your friendships, financially, or with your work compared to before, you can assess if the impact of the relationship is proving good for you or not.

This assessment might then help you put some perspective on how you are doing with your life.

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Comments

  1. * Jan Knits says:

    Very astute! I see myself in these remarks through three misbegotten marriages. Too bad we did not do as you have told your daughter. Hang tough and make a promise to yourself to put two hours of your free time every day to your betterment. Wish you well, my friend! Jan

    Sent from my iPad

    | Reply Posted 4 years, 2 months ago
    • * jengolightly says:

      Thank you Jan! Haha I was speaking from experience myself too lol!

      | Reply Posted 4 years, 2 months ago


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